Dating 2.1: Courtship in Today’s Cyber World

Forget Dating 2.0, the dating scene has definitely been taken to a whole new level. A colleague of mine, Seth, is recently single and back on the dating scene after a long-term relationship. He posted a profile on an internet dating site and titled it, “Back in the game.” He described a recent dating experience to me that I found a bit amusing, but it made me realize that the dating scene has changed with technology.

Seth is in his mid 30s, educated and hard-working, with what most would describe as a good job and a bright future. Getting a date after his recent breakup is the least of his worries. He recently found out that a lot has changed since he was on the dating scene. Seth’s dating life began in the mid to late 1990s, prior to the internet and digital dating surge, which in many ways, some would say, has taken over the courtship process. Seth met Carla at the place where the most surveyed couples met last year, on the job. Carla has been single for a while, in some ways enjoying the freedom of single life, and in other ways, ready to settle down. She also has a profile on the popular dating site labeled, “No players allowed.”

Seth and Carla see each other and talk often during the workday so it’s no secret that Seth is back in the singles pool. They even “friended” each other on Facebook. I will not go into the details of what Facebook is, other than the fact that it’s a social networking site that is visited by over 600 million people, and is practically household name. Facebook was introduced in 2004, long after Seth’s dating prime. Seth invited Carla to dinner. Carla accepted. What better way is there to get more acquainted than some good food, fun and conversation?

Before the date
Seth heads back to his office. Carla sends an instant message or “IM” to Seth. Let’s assume it’s after work hours. Instant messaging is a real-time direct computer connection that allows users to communicate with each other similar to email, but with almost “instant” gratification. During their instant messaging, Seth and Carla decide to surf the internet for a good restaurant to visit during their date later this evening. Later, Carla checks in on Seth to see if he’s chosen a restaurant. He has. Carla ends her message with a “smiley” or emoticon, which is a facial expression pictorially represented by punctuation and letters, usually to express a writer’s mood. Seth feels that he’s getting somewhere with Carla. Both visit the chosen restaurant’s website, take a virtual tour, and to download the menu. Seth also maps out the driving directions to the restaurant from Carla’s apartment. No point in getting lost. Both Seth and Carla are ready for their night out on the town. One more IM from Seth, “Pick u up at 8?” Carla responds,”C u at 8.”

During the date
Seth and Carla arrived at the restaurant. The setup was just as the website displayed, a bar, lounge, restrooms, etc. They already had an idea of where they wanted to sit. The server came over to greet them and explain the menu. “No need, I already know what I want,” Carla said. “Me too,” Seth added. Both of them scoped out the menu earlier online, totally demising the overall first-date restaurant experience, the element of surprise. With appetizers, drinks and main courses ordered, there was a lot of get-to-know each other time for Seth and Carla. There’s silence… and more silence, then there’s the sound of fingers and keys. Could Carla be texting her girlfriends during her date with Seth? Yes she was. No problem, it’s always a good idea for a woman to let someone know her whereabouts when out on a first date. Seth didn’t pay it any mind.

More silence… then a ring tone. “Excuse me, I have to take this,” Seth whispered. Carla couldn’t help but wonder who could be calling Seth during their date. Maybe it was his boss, his mother or maybe it was one of his 762 Facebook friends, whom 484 happen to be women. Seth returns, and the silence continues. Then Seth breaks the ice by asking Carla about her hobbies outside of work. Carla couldn’t deviate too much from her online profile, because then she would seem like a fake, or liar. She asks Seth a similar question, but no need. She visited a website earlier that listed Seth’s home address, parents and siblings and even his monthly home mortgage. She even ran a quick background check on him. Nevertheless, their food was served. They had drinks, listened to the live band in the restaurant lounge and headed home.

After the date
When Seth and Carla arrived at her apartment, Seth walked her to her doorstep and they gave each other a friendly hug. Neither was expecting more. It was the first date. Both agreed that they should go out again, and this was a very much needed break from the office. Seth hurried off because they both had to work the next morning. “Text me and let me know when you’ve made it home!” shouted Carla. Seth agreed and headed off. Seth judges his first date experience with Carla to be an overall good. Good food, good drinks, decent conversation. What more can you ask for from a woman on the first date? Seth pulls in his garage, gets out of the car, and texts Carla, “Made it home. Had a great time. See u tomorrow!”

Let’s rewind
A first date is just what it is, a first date, nothing more and nothing less. It should be fun and exciting, with little or no reservations. What I found interesting about the entire process was that technology seemed to take the place of what could have been Seth’s moment to shine, the courting stage. The courting stage is the prelude to the relationship. It’s the excitement of the unknown. It adds a little mystery to the overall experience and makes you want to get to know the other person more. It’s obvious that Seth is interested in Carla, but already knew most of the basic stuff about her from her online profiles.

In Seth’s earlier days of dating, dinner out with a young lady was a big deal. It was a time when two strangers belonged to each other for the moment with no outside interferences. With the internet doing all of the pre planning, Seth was not in control. Not to sound old-fashioned and say that the man must take the lead, but Seth did ask her out. He initiated the process. Another tone setter was their online profiles. Although her intentions could have been different, Carla’s “No players allowed’ banner sounded of a woman whose been burned by men before. Seth’s “Back in the game” banner welcomes him into the very thing Carla is trying to escape. Not to mention the fact that their online profiles revealed so much about them, little was left for the imagination, or conversation.

I am not suggesting that online profiles are good or bad, but they definitely set the tone for any potential relationship. Finally, the texting, not Carla’s texting during dinner, but the text after the date… the “I made it home text.” Seth remembers a time when he and a girl he liked would call each other and stay on the phone until the early hours of the morning, sometimes coming to school or work with circles around their eyes because of lack of sleep. It was called a crush. Are those times no more? Maybe, maybe not, but Seth has come to realize that there’s a new dating hall, the Internet. And it’s taken dating to a whole new level. Seth was also surprised the next day that his entire date with Carla was now trending on Twitter. #yawn

James Branch is the author of “When Girls Talk, Some Guys Listen” Understanding Women Through Their Behavior. Visit [] or follow on twitter at

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Singles Dating: Reasons Why Singles Prefer Dating Online

You might be wondering why many singles out there are using online dating services to find their dates. There are several reasons why singles dating online has become very popular for most single people out there. We will talk about some of the reasons in this article that might shed light on your question. But for the most part, singles dating online is a fun and new experience and maybe you should try it as well.

As mentioned, there are several reasons why singles prefer singles dating online. And one of the reasons is that online dating is a lot cheaper than dating in bars. As you know, people go to bars to check out people and find a possible date, some men use the bar scene to get girls. Although most singles dating can find someone for every night they go to the bar, what they don’t realize is how the bar scene is burning a hole in their pockets. You need to pay for the entrance fees and all the drinks you will consume and most of the time, if you are hanging out in a popular bar, their drinks are very expensive.

The next reason why singles dating online is preferred is because it helps narrow the playing field. With online dating, you have the luxury to choose whoever you want to date unlike in the real world, you have very limited options. You need to compare how many people you meet in a week compared to how many people you’ll meet in a day online. Although the numbers might tell you that you have more choices, the difference is that you will get to choose the crème of the crop for you and that is what narrowing the field is about.

The third reason for singles dating online is because it more efficient compared to getting to know someone in a bar or at a party. Dating online can be pretty straight forward and you don’t have to beat around the bush. If you message someone or got a message, this means that there is an interest going on. And you can immediately follow up such attraction by conversing with each other directly. And once you start talking to each other on a daily basis, you will get to know the person more making dates more efficient.

And the last reason is that by dating online, single dating will save time. There is no need to wait around for the right man/women to come your way. Instead, you can do your part and take charge of your destiny by looking for Mr. or Ms. Right. Time is of the essence in the dating world and you don’t want to lose precious time dating a bunch of wrong people.

These are just some of the reasons why singles dating is popular nowadays and I’m sure, other singles out there have their own reasons as well. But if you really think about it, there are so many advantages of dating online especially for the single people out there. Though the experience can be fun and rewarding, it will pay to be cautious as well.

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Top Three 1st Date Tips For The Single Guy

Where would you take a girl for your first date? The most common answer to this is usually, “dinner and a movie” unfortunately this is the wrong answer for multiple reasons. Taking the girl to the ‘right’ place on the first date is very important part of making a great first date.

Simply put, sitting across the table from a girl for your first date is not the best way to get get to know her. It puts both of you in an uncomfortable situation where it is hard to have a high quality interactions with the girl. Here are the three 1st date tips to ensure your date is a good one.

1st Date Tip #1: Meet her for Coffee or Drinks

Meeting in restaurant is an inherently awkward situation, but meeting the girl for coffee or for drinks is far more casual. Casually meeting the girl for coffee or drinks puts the whole date in a far less formal area. It allows you to be more comfortable around her and therefore more confident.

That is an extremely important factor.

Confidence is one factor that many women look for in a man, above all other aspects. By being in a place where you are comfortable rather than some place where you are not you give yourself the best chance for her to see you in positive light.

… and that is only part of the reason why a casual “coffee or drinks” will be better than a more formal “dinner out.” The other big reason is in case you and the girl do not mesh. Not every relationship was meant to be. By keeping it casual you are able to not waste as much money or time on the date. If it doesn’t work out you even have time to go out and try to find another girl later in the evening.

1st Date Tip #2: Play Games with Her

This is not about, “playing games with her emotions”. It is all about actually playing games. Many places where games are played are great places to take her on the 1st date because of the “casual” factor but also because they are fun. Girls like confident guys but they also want to have a fun time with you. What better way to show her you are fun loving than to take her to a place that is inherently fun.

Some first date fun ideas:

1. Mini-golf
2. Video Game place (think Dave and Busters or Gameworks)
3. Boardwalk
4. Party
5. Pool Hall
6. Beer/Wine tasting tours

1st Date Tip #3: Get physical with her

This does not mean sex. Although it doesn’t exclude it. During your date it is important to develop a level of physical contact. Building this sexual tension helps to think of you in a romantic way and keeps you from falling into the dreaded “friend” zone. What getting physical with her really means (in this context) is taking her out for a physical activity for your date.

This one may depend on the girl. There are going to be some girls that do not like the idea of having a date that involves physical activity. But a surprising amount would think this type of date is not only novel, but a huge amount of fun.

Here are some ideas for first date physical activities:

1. Go on a hike
2. A walk on the beach or park
3. Ice Skating
4. Rollerblading
5. Mountain biking (if she is the real physical type)

The bonus 1st date tip

The bonus 1st date tip has to do with time. Many guys make the mistake of letting a first date drag on for too long of a period of time. It is far better to get in and out of the date.

One of the very best first date tips is to keep it short. If the date goes well, always leave her wanting more. If the date goes poorly, suffering by elongating the date only makes thing worse. The purpose of this first date is to simply see if you both like each other enough to try another. You do not need to forge a lifelong relationship.

If you want to attract women a big part of the solution is fixing yourself. Work on getting rid of your bad habits and learn to build more good habits. Work on yourself and the women will come.

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First Date: How to Ensure It Is A Winner!

Feeling those first date nervous jitters is understandable. No one is likely to be perfectly calm before their date. Going on a date with a guy or girl you met online – for example on a free dating website – can be somewhat unsettling. Very famous people are even known to get anxious about first dates. Some would say that going on a first date can be overwhelming.

But the key is to summon some inner confidence. And to get you started, there’s also the following well-known tips which will help you make a lasting impression on that difficult first date.

Be Prepared. If you want real success with dating that person you met on the free dating site, you should ensure that you look your best. Presentation and grooming are very important. For example, some men ignore this fact and they feel it’s just okay to go on that date looking like they’ve just gotten out of bed. It’s not okay, and won’t lead to much dating success. On the other hand, some women do go over the top in terms of hair and makeup. Ladies, take note: the less makeup you put on, the more attractive you’ll appear to a man! And when it comes to choosing what you’re going to wear, it is often better to go for that crisp, clean and conservative look when you meet that someone you found on a free online dating site.

Your memory for interesting stories or personal and funny anecdotes are useful for moments of first date awkward silences. So it wouldn’t hurt to have one or two of these prepared before going on that important date.

Listen more, talk less. People usually talk too much on a first date, because they are understandably nervous. Lots of talking is actually a major turn off. So instead of blurting out too much trivia, why not slow down and instead focus on your date and maybe talk about how you both came to be using online dating. Asking questions and listening to what your date says indicates to them that you are genuinely interested. You will both get along well if you learn how to become more of an active listener. And some compliments now and then won’t hurt either.

Be confident being who you are. You are unlikely to impress the person you met on that free dating site if you have poor self-esteem. So remind yourself that you are a unique and interesting person. And, furthermore, all the things that make up who you are is enough for someone to truly appreciate you.

Fun is important. Once you’ve agreed to date that person you met on the free online dating site, you need to realize that you can only prepare so much. So, if you can, be casual and just let things happen and remind yourself that a first date is simply a necessary first step to finding the love of your life. If you’re fearful of possible rejection, just consider the huge number of people in the world that can become a possible date. If you turned out to not be your date’s ‘type’? So what!? The key is to just move on to the next opportunity, at least you’ve already eliminated one. Believe me, you will find love in the future if you keep a genuinely positive attitude about dating success from online dating sites.

Charles L. Jackson is a freelance article writer who has been writing for since 2006. This is a free dating site specialized in connecting singles all over the world If you want to see it yourself visit:

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How to Start Dating Again: The Very First Steps

You have just broken up or divorced the man you thought you would be with forever. You are crushed, sad, and devastated, but ready to move on to a full, wonderful life without him. How to start dating again? Believe me; it’s not as hard as you think!

You are a vibrant, sexy woman. Well maybe not so vibrant and sexy now that heartbreak has come your way, but those qualities can easily be unearthed girl! The first thing you must do is love yourself. I know this might sound hokey and all “woo-woo” crazy, but it works. Why? Because who is going to love you and adore you if you don’t love and adore yourself? The answer is no one. You’ll attract the type of men who you really don’t want! The men who treat you badly, who use you, who will take advantage of your heart’s vulnerability.

This is why you will make a list. This list will name 10 things you like about yourself. You have nice hair. You are nice to little old ladies. You give to charity. Your thighs are thick and beautiful. You are smart. You have pretty toes. Whatever it is, write it down. This step is the first (and most important!) answer to how to start dating again. After you list 10, list 10 more. Then 10 more. Once you begin, you will find how wonderful you think you really are!

The next step is to set an intention that you are ready to date. I know you’re thinking, “I wouldn’t be reading this if I wasn’t ready to date again!” By setting the intention, essentially declaring to yourself and others that you are ready to get back out there, solidifies your commitment and desire to get back out there in the dating world.

When determining how to start dating again, you must also determine what you want. Are you looking for a person to go to the movies with every now and then? Dating to find a wonderful sexual partner? Dating to find a life-long companion? Are you dating to find a man to marry and have children with? Be honest with yourself. Why are you dating and what do you want to come out of it?

The last of the first tips to how to start dating again is what kind of guy you want to date. Since you have determined why you are dating, it is imperative to follow that up with a man that will fit. If you’re dating because you would like to get re-married, it’s kind of important to date a man that’s not already married! If you are looking for a casual dating experience, the man you will date will not be looking for someone to get married in 6 months and birth his 5 kids. If you’re looking for a life partner, it’s probably that you don’t actively date super religious men when you’re a devout atheist.

Navigating the waters of how to start dating again doesn’t have to be a bumpy voyage. Follow these tips and be sure to check the follow up articles on how to start dating again to ensure a happy and healthy dating life!

Having trouble in your dating life after divorce? Don’t know what you’re doing wrong? Want to be attractive to men? My new book: “From Ex to Next! An Empowered Women’s Guide to Dating after Breakup or Divorce” will help you discover all this and more at

Kim Hess is a dating after divorce expert, author, radio show host, and divorce columnist. Get great, free advice about divorce and dating at her website

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